i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
