I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sober January is a disaster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
