we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
