they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
