When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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