were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
