We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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