At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
