sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
