i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
