I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
