And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
