They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We named our party play list daddy issues
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
