It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We smell like vodka and hangover
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