I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
