Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
honey bunches of taint.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
