Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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