Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
