apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
