I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
