You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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