drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So vagazzling was a success
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
