Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
