That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
