Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
