I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
