I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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