Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then my night got REAL pukey
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
