Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
