my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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