our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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