Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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