We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I believe in your delicious
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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