Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
