if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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