so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
