he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
