If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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