put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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