youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
