I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
