and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
