Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
