dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
