Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
