You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
