So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
