We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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