where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
