Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
